I look better un-naked...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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