My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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