i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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