i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
