This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
