I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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