corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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