i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
sex in a hospital.. check
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
