You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
