I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
