I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
