what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
