I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
