I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
