dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The ass gains better be worth it
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