I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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