I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
