I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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