just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
