Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
