she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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