found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
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