she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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