I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
