Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
