I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
