Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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