he puts the penis in happiness.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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