I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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