How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
