people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
