Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
