Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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