He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My ass is underappreciated
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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