I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think my fart just growled at me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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