hotel room ftw
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
