Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
