your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
