hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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