Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
