I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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