3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
