my mouth tastes like poor choices
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I need to calm my uterus...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
