$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
