he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
