I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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