Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
