It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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