She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
