i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
