We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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