You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
