i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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