Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
